The Manty Belly

Whereas the commonly known ‘Beer Belly’ has swept across the United States and Europe creating generations of young male and females who have stomachs disproportionately large to the rest of their bodies. The Manty Belly, endemic to the highlands of Kyrgyzstan and other Central Asian nations has a similar effect. However, the underlying cause of the ‘Manty Belly’ is not overconsumption of beer, but rather overconsumption of Manty – or dumplings as well call them.

Now what is causing the spread of this Manty Belly epidemic? Dumplings are eaten all over the world; however they are not eaten like they are eaten in Kyrgyzstan.

The first cause of the Manty Belly lies primarily in quantity. If you are invited to the house of a Kyrgyz person and they prepare Manty, you will be expected (forced) to eat at least a minimum of 12. However your host will not be satisfied until you reach number 15 or 16. Due to the overbearing Kyrgyz societal pressures however you will find yourself most likely eating up to 20. To assist you in digestion of these cute little Manty’s you will most likely require at least half of a liter of vodka. This will leave you in a state of legal blindness. Once the festivities are over you will either crawl to the closest couch clutching your stomach (which has now inflated to the size of balloon). Or you will be left wishing you could crawl to the closest couch. However you cannot because a toothless and long-white bearded WWII Kyrgyz veteran will be telling you interesting, however incomprehensibly stories about how he marched from Kyrgyzstan to Germany to fight the Nazis in 1943.

The second cause of the Manty Belly lies in the ingredients which you are eating. The host will first prepare the stuffing. This will be a mix of onions, sheep fat, potatoes, cow fat, and oil. This is then wrapped in dough and cooked for about 30 minutes over boiling water. After this it will be divided into individual portions. After it is divided it will be smothered in sary mai and vinegar. Sary Mai (or yellow butter) is pure fat which has been left to sit for a period between one and three years in a dark cabinet. It is made from combining spoiled and leftover milk products like sour cream, milk, and cottage cheese. It is bright yellow and emits an odor strong enough to knock out a baby cat. In short, (1) Manty ensures us with our lifetime recommended quantity of sheep fat, cow fat, oil, spoiled milk, spoiled sour cream, spoiled cottage cheese, and butter.

A standard meal of Manty requires at least four days of digestion, this can be limited to two days if you experience (or induce) vomit. However, for those unlucky ones this can be drawn out up to seven days upon occurrence of diarrhea.

In my past ten months in here I have experienced the Manty Belly a good three to four times. And even though I know the pending consequences of eating Manty, these dangerous little creatures keep finding their way into my belly.